Trying to process my feelings about The North Face Endurance Challenge Series races being cancelled this weekend in NorCal. I was scheduled to run the 50k – my first ultra marathon – and have been training for 4 months. The air quality in the Bay Area has been horrible for the last week due to the Camp Fire, like horribly horrible, residents have been told to stay inside, which means I have been inside for the last 7 days straight (with the exception of walking to my car). It was the right call to cancel the race, completely, and the logic part of my brain knows that 100%… but the emotional side, the side that has been getting ready for the last 4 months, is incredibly disappointed.
I know it’s just a race, and that there will be other opportunities, and that resources should be going to the Camp Fire community. I know all that, and I support ALL of that. I have donated money and goods and will continue to do so, because what happened in Paradise is devastating. So trying to process my feelings of disappointment about a cancelled 50k is made more complicated by the fact that my brain feels guilty for feeling disappointed. But there should be room for all of these emotions. I shouldn’t feel guilty about being sad my race is cancelled. I have been working hard, sacrificing regularly to get my runs done, and now my season is just over. Plus the news came during taper week, a time during which I am always a bit more emotional, hahaha.
My fitness is the highest it has ever been, and instead of running 50k this weekend, I will be stuck inside, for days 9 & 10 and going stir crazy. I have so much energy to burn off and no good way to do it. I have been in the gym so much this week, which just reminds me how much I hate the treadmill, and how lucky I am so live in such a beautiful place where I can usually run outside.
I have been looking for another 50k, but with training, and vacations coming up, and school schedules, it is hard to pick one. The North Face has given all of us entry into the race next year, but by then I will be on clinical rotations so it is impossible for me to know if I will even be in the Bay Area then. But I am going to try to hardest to race it next year. And in the meantime I am really hopeful I will find a 50k in early/mid 2019 to crush! For now, I am going to try to channel my disappointment into scouring the internet for a new 50k and into training for the Napa Valley Marathon, which will probably be here before I know it!!